|
Crying is one of the few means babies have of communicating needs and discomfort. Some infants can cry for hours each day. “Some kids are going to be perfect babies who really don’t cry much at all,” Kutz said. “Other babies are going to be perfect usually, but on occasion will make themselves heard. On the other end of the spectrum is the child who is going to cry a significant amount of the time. Those kids will be difficult for any parent.” Crying babies usually can be calmed by addressing one of the child’s basic needs, such as being fed, having a diaper changed or being held and cuddled. Some babies will continue crying after these needs are met. This prolonged crying may be due to a medical problem. Gastroesophageal reflux, which is believed to affect five to six percent of babies, irritates the lower throat, or esophagus, and causes babies to cry, throw up or refuse to eat. “A child who cries all the time no matter what the parent does probably should have an evaluation by a physician,” Kutz said. A few babies will cry constantly without an apparent reason. A considerable amount of medical research has been devoted to colic, which is defined as chronic, unconsolable crying in otherwise healthy babies. It has been theorized that colic may be caused by immature nervous or gastrointestinal systems, allergies or parental anxiety or tension. One major study of colic found that these infants may cry more than three hours per day. Babies cry the most between six weeks and four months of age. Normal children cry an average of two to three hours per day. “We don’t know how much your child is going to cry, but new parents should anticipate that their child will cry a lot in the first six months of life,” Kutz said. Parents also must accept the fact that they will not always be able to stop their child’s crying. “It is normal for there to be a period of time that your child cries and you won’t be able to figure out what is wrong with them. Crying is not necessarily related to physical needs. You shouldn’t feel like you’re not a good parent if you can’t stop your child from crying.” Parents sometimes discover tricks that can soothe their infant’s particular discomfort. “You might pick up the child and cuddle him, hold him close, walk around and hum a song,” Kutz said. “Occasionally children respond to low-level noises or vibrations such as a ride in a car or the sound of a vacuum cleaner. A few people have recommended putting the baby in a car carrier seat and sitting them on top of the clothes dryer. Just be careful that they don’t vibrate off the side of the dryer!”
When parents were able to do a better job of analyzing their colicky babies’ needs, crying decreased from nearly four hours per day to just more than one hour. A physician can help parents in learning how to assess their infant’s needs. The parental stresses created by colic, incessant crying and — later in life — temper tantrums, are believed to play a role in the incidence of child abuse. According to the Child Abuse Prevention Center in Ogden, Utah, there were 1.07 million substantiated cases of child abuse and neglect in the U.S. in 1999. That number represented 15 of every 1,000 children. Some of these children are considered victims of “shaken baby syndrome,” which describes brain and nervous-system injuries resulting from violent shaking. An estimated 1,400 child abuse victims died in 1999. Four out of five children who died from abuse were younger than five years, while two of five were under one year of age. “Babies are not significantly delicate. They can take a fair amount of jostling,” Kutz said. “Child abuse injuries tend to be caused by fairly significant trauma like being swung into a wall or thrown onto the floor or a mattress. Most of the time when parents hurt a child, it is because they have lost their temper.”
Parents need to support each other in handling the stressful stages of childhood, Kutz suggested. “When your baby is crying, realize that it is not necessarily your duty to stop it,” he said. “If you’ve done everything you can, put the child down in a safe place, take a couple of deep breaths and walk away. Count to ten before you act. Recognize situations that make you angry and avoid them. Most parents are able to control their anger, but there are some people who get frustrated and angry and hurt their child.” Sharing the responsibilities of child-rearing is a good idea. “Parents should have good communication — it shouldn’t be a taboo to tell your spouse that you are getting angry at your child and ask for help in sharing the responsibilities of child care. If a parent realizes that they or their spouse are responding to anger with physical aggression, they ought to seek assistance, such as learning anger-management techniques,” Kutz said. Dad should give mom breaks by taking care of the baby while she gets out of the house. Mom should give dad a lot of advice on child care, because he may not be as closely attuned to anticipating the child’s needs. Statistically, men are more likely to injure children, in part because they haven’t obtained the experience required to take care of a child and expect or handle the frustrations. “A number of fathers don’t spend enough time with their kids, sometimes for legitimate reasons,” Kutz said. “They don’t necessarily have the skills that are required. They don’t how the child behaves in certain situations or how to recognize needs.” Parents should openly share their child-rearing experiences and frustrations with each other and friends, Kutz said. “It is perfectly legitimate for you to tell your spouse, ‘Honey, I’ve been doing this all week. I just can’t do it right now — can you help me with this?’ Parents need to have realistic expectations of themselves, their partners, and their children.” For more tips on coping with difficult situations in
parenting, talk with your physician and see these web sites: If you would like to suggest a topic for “Partners in Parenting,” please write to Glennon Magazine, Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital, 1465 South Grand Boulevard, Saint Louis, Missouri 63104.
|
||||
“Children can be frustrating for any parent. Some children
are more frustrating than others. Almost every parent has been frustrated
or angry with their child at some point,” said Timothy J. Kutz, M.D.,
director of child protection at Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital and
assistant professor of pediatrics at St. Louis University.
In one colic study, parents were advised to keep a daily
diary of their child’s crying and other activities to help them better
understand their child’s five basic needs — to be fed, to sleep, to
suckle, to be held and to be stimulated. It was found that parents
sometimes misdiagnosed reasons for crying. For example, a child crying
from fatigue might have been unable to fall asleep due to over-stimulation
because its parent persisted in trying to rock it to sleep.
All sorts of frustrated parents have snapped and injured
their child during a crying spell or tantrum, he said. “Anger doesn’t know
any socioeconomic boundaries.”